


Cats Hate The Beach

by fishywishing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Humanstuck, Rated teen for cats saying fuck, beach vacation fluff, dirk drinks from the slushie machine and pretends to work, dirk loves toes, feferi owns a 7 11, its just fluff and sex jokes, nepeta hates the beach and loves women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 18:17:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14920452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishywishing/pseuds/fishywishing
Summary: Why the fuck would Equius take Nepeta to the beach?  What a terrible moirail.





	Cats Hate The Beach

**Author's Note:**

> if u like lesbians and the beach? youll love this.

When Equius said they were going to have a fun day. Nepeta thought he, y’know, had meant a  _ fun day _ .  A fun day was particularly not going down to the beach and doing whatever people did when they go to the beach, drown or whatever.  The  _ pinnacle  _ of a fun day would be roleplaying with Terezi, maybe going out with Equius to the park to point at birds and say “He’ll be the first to die under my reign of terror, Equius, he will, remember that!”, then coming home and watching  _ Cats vs Dogs 3, The Cattening _ , where the evil cats win and team up with horses to take over Greenland (Rated R for cats saying fuck).

 

A fun day was not going to the beach.  Time with her moirail was always fun for both of them, somehow engaging their very opposite enjoyments, never focusing on the doing, and more focusing on the having fun with each other!  Staying at home with popcorn, going to a museum, anything would have been more fun than going to the fucking beach with her best friend. And his boyfriend.

 

At least Hal hated the water too.

 

The sun was high above them, hot death rays of this  _ day isn’t ever going to end _ .  Equius went off to frolic in the water, and Nepeta vowed she wouldn’t touch him for a week, or until he got the smell of saltwater out of his dumb horse ass.  Hal sat next to her, the pair equally pissed at Equius for thinking that a robot and a furry would ever want to go to the beach. Nepeta, at least, gave herself the job of brushing sand off of Hal every time the wind picked up so he wouldn’t, like, overheat and make glass inside his circuits.  The wind wasn’t strong, but sand was everywhere. The beach really is the worst.

 

“Disgusting,” Nepeta hissed, pointing out Dave trying to push Karkat’s stocky body into the water and failing badly. “They’re all gonna smell like brine and octopus piss until next month.”

 

“Octopiss,” Hal glared at her, “How did you not get that perfect pun?  Octopiss.”

 

Nepeta picked up a handful of sand and shoved it in Hal’s pants pocket, and rubbed some more all over his face.  “Die like a bitch Hal. Die like a bitch.”

 

He shut up and the pair turned their heads to the grey-blue sea.  All over, people were having  _ fun _ like some sort of heathens.  Why couldn’t they get that the beach was gross?  Rose had stepped on a cigarette butt earlier like it wasn’t a big deal, but there were thousands of them, and trash all over.  Also a seagull stole John’s glasses, and everyone laughed like it wasn’t a big deal. Except for John, who had kind of fallen over and squirmed on the ground until Jade got them back.

 

Nepeta hated the beach.  A whole fuck ton. She hated it, hated it, hated it.  There were too many legal restraints of killing birds and not enough hot girls who also hated the beach.  That was a new requirement for Nepeta’s admittedly tiny list of needs in a crush. The list was simple, for a simple butch furry who had simple standards.

  1. Gay?
  2. Does not like the beach just water in general



 

It was a simple list.  And one of those rules wouldn’t be broken, Nepeta swore, like she swore to ignore Equius for at least a week after The Beach, that she wouldn’t fall in love with a girl who liked the water.

 

In retrospect, Nepeta should have been more specific.

  
  
  


She got up from the carefully un-sanded towel that she and Hal resided on, under an umbrella, and stretched.  As she arched her back, she groaned and felt spots in her eyes. Too many nights up late roleplaying with Terezi and Vriska (the latter was forced), Nepeta guessed.  

 

“I’m going to go get something to drink, preferably something that isn’t seawater, so,” She pointed backwards, “I’m going to the strip mall over there.”

 

Hal nodded and flipped her off without a glance.  Classic Hal. She’ll have to drown him later for his sins.

 

“Bitch,” Nepeta said, and stalked away from the towel into the hot sand.

 

“Shitshitshitshit fuck ow ow titties!”  She scrambled across the remaining patch of sand to the sidewalk, then leapt towards the patch of stores on the beachfront.

 

Running inside the nearest store, one of those “7/11’s but it’s worse and also the mascot is scary” type of shops, Nepeta tiptoed to the back for a slushie.  “Jegus, my widdle toesies…”

 

“Your  _ what _ ?”  Nepeta looked up from the damage to her feet to see a guy in a tank top and shorts, and a red, greasy apron with the shop’s creepy mascot on it, drinking directly from the Blue Cherry spout.

 

“My… feet got burned on the sand…?”

 

The guy shut off the machine and stood up.  “If you’re a policeman you legally have to tell me.  Feferi says I can do this and she’s shift manager.”

 

“I’m not a pig!  Oh, shit, you’re Dave's brother, aren’t you.  Dirt?”

 

“Close enough?”

 

A voice came from in front of the aisles of snacks and beer, sounding sweetly pissed off.  “Dirk, you can drink from the slushie machine  _ after _ the store closes.  Not when there are living customers inside here!”

 

Dirt- Dirk- turned and flicked the slushie machine on again, then waltzed up to counter.

 

“Jegus- Can you get that?  I'm so sorry!”

 

Nepeta turned the machine off and followed the voice to the front counter, where she got struck by cupid's goddamn arrow right in the heart.

 

She didn't believe much in love at first sight, as being the self-proclaimed shipping queen made one learn that love takes time to develop, it's not just a cute person and then they fuck.  Nepeta did  _ not _ believe in love at first sight.  Nope. Absolutely not. 

 

Except for she would have to now, because the tall, chubby girl in front of her had just turned all her shipping upside down with a smile.

 

“Hi!  I'm so sorry bout Dirk, he's a real weirdo.”  Nepeta shrugged, smiling awkwardly. What else does one do in that situation?  “But he knows how taxes work and I don't. Also he doesn't smoke weed at work while working with customers.  It's a step up from the last guy. Barely.” 

 

Dirk flashed them both an ‘ok' sign and took out his phone.  From Nepeta's view, it looked like either Tinder or the My Little Pony Wiki.

 

The girl kept talking like she couldn't stop.  Maybe she was just nervous too? Nepeta didn't pay attention to the next minute of rambling about really bad employees, as she was too focused on the nametag of the newest object of her affection.

 

_ Feferi _ .

 

What a name.  How the hell do you pronounce that anyway?  What kind of wonderful name was that? Why was it so perfect on her?  Oh gog, why was Nepeta such a in-love dumbass?

 

“Anyway, that's why I have 18 snow crabs living in my apartment right now.  Guess that shows you to never let clowns work for you!” Feferi was giggling over whatever joke she had made and now Nepeta wished she'd been comprehending the angelic voice instead of just hearing it and melting.

 

“Haha, woah!  That's… uhm… that's really crazy!”

 

Feferi leaned back on her stool in front of the register and grinned.  “Yeah!” She came back into her seat and stared at Nepeta.

 

And stared at her.

 

Dirk kept playing on his phone, oblivious to what Nepeta decided might be deeply sexual tension.

 

And a little more staring.  This was getting weird.

 

“Are you going to like… Buy anything?”

 

What did that mean?  Like, buy someth- “Oh! Yes!”  Nepeta reached a hand over onto the counter without looking and grabbed a box of- Shit, okay,  _ condoms _ .

 

“Yeah, I guess I'll grab these,” Nepeta choked out.  She looked down at her chosen brand. “Lil Spicy Boys, for the bold but tiny men out there.  Yeah, these are… my favorites. Just the thing for a man I love.”

 

Feferi looked at her purchase as well, then looked at Nepeta’s arms, decked out in several rainbow bracelets, and her “I love women” t-shirt, and frowned.

 

“You know, I'm not quite sure if I believe the ‘man I love’ bit.  That seems… off.”

 

Looking up, Dirk decided to join the newest activity in the room, staring at a box of condoms.  “I've tasted them. Don't buy those.”

 

Nepeta slowly put the box of condoms back and reached for a Snickers.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ill keep writing this! i love lesbians and the beach! leave comments and shit below. find me at sapphicshrimp on tumblr.


End file.
